For some, meeting people while traveling solo is not a primary goal. For others, it is their greatest joy. Murray, a longtime member of the Solo Traveler community recently wrote to us and offered to share his tips on meeting people for other men traveling alone. We jumped at the chance to share a male perspective, as it’s obviously not one Janice and I can provide. Here he lays out in a humorous way how, as someone who is not a natural extrovert at home, he has pushed himself to engage locals as he travels and the great rewards that has delivered.
It was Messi versus Mbappe. Argentina versus France in the greatest championship game I have ever had the pleasure of watching from the comfort of my own sofa. My favorite player, Messi finally earned his first World Cup, narrowly outdueling Mbappe who put forth a master class on grit. It was a memorable day, not just because of the game, but because of who I watched it with.
Only my lazy dog and I were there to gather in front of the television that glorious December day back in 2022. Still, I managed to watch the game, in real time, with my friends around the world via WhatsApp. At first, it was just my mate in Ireland texting about the game as he watched. Next, my bartender amigo in Colombia messaged me and predicted Argentina was going to run away with it as he watched. A few minutes later my friend in Australia proclaimed Mbappe to be the GOAT as he watched. By the time the game reached its dramatic conclusion on penalty kicks, I had also heard from friends in Brazil, Germany, and Mexico. Six countries total on that one day!
What do all these friends of mine have in common, other than their love for futbol?
I met them all at pubs, bars, botecos, and izakayas while traveling solo.
It is not easy for men traveling alone to approach strangers. You fear rejection and the embarrassment that comes with it. You have to force yourself out of your comfort zone and take a chance that you will meet someone kind and open. You must be bold while remaining humble. You have to be gracious while entertaining enough for people to enjoy your company. You must be confident even though that little voice inside your head is telling you it would be a lot easier just to run away and hang out by the hotel pool all day. But that’s not why people like us travel. We’re out there searching for the adventures only befriending locals can bring.
My Tips for Men Traveling Alone Who Want to Meet People
The countries I have been fortunate enough to experience became special to me due to the people I met and became friends, mates, amigos, and buds with. Over the years, through my solo travels, I have learned a few lessons on how to break the ice and take that initial awkward first step toward making friends with kind, hilarious, loyal, fascinating people, mostly while going to pubs or restaurants solo.
Herewith, my advice for those who want to meet locals along the way.
The Plan
Go to a restaurant, pub, or event in a foreign country or city where you don’t know a single person and may or may not speak the host language.
The Rules
First and foremost, you have to remember you are a guest. You might be somebody important back home, but while traveling, you are not. You are humble and gracious, not demanding or entitled.
Read the room and the body language. If somebody is giving off a vibe that they wish to be left alone, respect their boundaries and politely move on. Don’t force yourself onto anyone just because they might be solo themselves. One must always leave room for the possibility that one might not be as charming as one thinks, a daily struggle for me.
I am pleasantly surprised by the number of female solo travelers I cross paths with. I admire their courage and enjoy their stories. However, I realize approaching strangers is different for me, a middle-aged man with lower back pain and a bad hairline, than a single woman trying to initiate a friendly conversation. I strongly urge women (and everyone, for that matter) to trust their intuition and ask the staff for help if they find themselves in an uncomfortable position.
When I travel solo, I adhere to a strict, only-a-couple-of-drinks-and-a-solid-buzz rule. I will never allow myself to drink excessively with somebody unless we’ve had drinks on more than one occasion and I absolutely trust the people involved.
Where Do I Go?
I prefer meeting locals, so my first option is normally a local dive bar. I will ask my taxi or uber driver, waiters, or people working at my hotel: “Where would you go grab a drink with your friends?” Once you are able to locate these places, which can sometimes be an adventure of its own, you are greeted by real people who better represent their city’s ideals than any of those wannabe influencers at the chain beach bars who stare at their phones all day while music thumps out into the streets. I’ve found those locally recommended places to be more welcoming with curious, open people who aren’t impressed by the number of followers you have on social media but are more interested in whether you are a decent enough person to have a drink with.
I might also try whatever the equivalent of a sports bar is in whatever country I happen to be visiting. Somebody there is going to be watching a game I can feign interest in. For men traveling alone, if you can find a group of guys watching a game, there is no shame in jumping on the home team bandwagon and asking some basic questions to the group next to you. They will soon indoctrinate you into every moment of the team’s history and high-five you when their team scores. Most of the time, I generally don’t care about the outcome. But I will cheer loudly with whomever has offered to get my next round.
When in doubt, no matter where in the world you are, if you want to meet somebody fun, look for the tri-colours. That is to say, find an Irish pub. Who goes to Irish pubs? People who generally want to talk and have fun. Every single Irish pub in the world will at some point throughout their evening contain a group that is either celebrating or venting together. All they are going to want to do is let loose, have some fun, and talk to the person sitting next to them on a stool. Like shooting fish in a barrel, my friends.
Who Do I Approach?
Generally speaking, if you sit or stand at the bar it’s because you want to engage with someone periodically throughout the night. If you wish to be left alone, you sit at a table or booth.
Two women sitting at the bar. A woman sitting alone at the bar has probably gotten hit on multiple times. They sometimes, rightfully so, need to keep their guards up. If I get a smile or a nod first from a woman sitting by herself, I will find a way to initiate a conversation. But I personally think it’s a little uncool to pounce on a woman just because she came to a bar or restaurant by herself. Now, two women sitting together at a bar are generally looking for a laugh or a lighthearted evening. They are a little more approachable in my experience and appreciate a little self-deprecating humor. If you are funny enough, they’ll ask you to join, and it won’t be long before everybody is trading horror stories about their exes.
Guys in groups of three. Two guys talking can be a lot of things. Is it a meeting, an intervention, or a date? Definitely read the room before approaching two guys. But if it’s three guys, come on, it’s only going to be a matter of time till the shots start. Guys in groups of three are only at a bar for one reason: to drink and get really hyped anytime House of Pain’s “Jump Around” graces the speakers. If they speak English, look for the one they all like to make fun of. Then make a good self-deprecating joke about yourself and the loser of the group. The other two will soon think you are a legend for calling their friend out. Pro tip: you must incorporate yourself into the joke otherwise you’re likely to wake up in an ER the next morning. But offer to buy a round of drinks, and most of the time they’ll end up looking after you for the rest of the loud, drunken, hilarious night.
Anybody wearing flip-flops. Generally speaking, we’re about the same speed, you and me, flip-flops guy. It usually doesn’t take more than a “How’s it going?” to people in flip-flops. They are perpetually ready for a few laughs, some crazy stories, and late night tacos.
Who Do I Not Approach?
Anybody in a political shirt. If politics are your identity, you are probably much too serious for me.
Anybody glued to their phone. I get it, everybody has one out. But those who put on blinders and lose themselves to the world around them don’t do much for me.
Other tourists. That’s not a hard rule. I am very fortunate to have met some amazing people who were also traveling through, but I’m primarily looking to connect with somebody from the country I’m visiting. With apologies to the other men traveling alone, if I hear perfectly spoken English, I tend to walk in the opposite direction.
Anybody in a suit. Again, this is not a hard rule but if you are in a suit, you are likely coming from a tedious day of trying not to get fired. I’ll remain open to a conversation, but I’m going to let you have your moment of Zen first. Now it’s true, critics might say you risk losing out on potentially milking the company credit card with a sharply dressed stranger, but I’m going to err on the side of caution on this one.
The tough guy. If somebody watches me walk in and doesn’t nod or smile when I nod or smile, I’m going to steer clear. You can be the tough guy all you want, I’m just looking for the craic.
Breaking the Ice
In my normal life I am a little shy and reserved. In my travel life I force myself to be the opposite. Normal me would never go to a bar solo. Travel me needs to put himself out there in order to make a connection. Those connections are always the highlights of my travels. I have gotten much more comfortable with it throughout the years, but especially early on there was a lot of forcing myself to get off the stool. I’d remind myself that I didn’t fly to the other side of the world to stare at my phone and message my friends back home.
At a Pub
The Compliment Method. Simple enough, works for both men and women. For men I’ll compliment their hat, shirt, watch, phone–something that is obvious to see. Then I’ll make a comment like, “I’ve got a buddy back home who’s really into watches, he’d pay big for something like yours.” Do I actually care about the watch? Not really, but now I’ve broken the ice. This also works well for women. I will find something obvious: earrings, glasses, handbag and give a compliment. I like to put a different spin on it when I’m talking to a woman, though. I will say, “My girlfriend back home is obsessed with shoes. She would kill for yours. Did you get those locally or online?”
The Tattoo Method. As a souvenir to myself, I like to get a tattoo anytime I visit a new country for the first time. Along the way I have seen some incredible art chiseled into the arms, backs, and legs of strangers. What I’ve found is that people with tattoos usually like to talk about their ink, and almost always have a good story behind at least one of them. “Did you get that one here? It’s really well done.” It’s a sure-fire way to get somebody with a tattoo talking.
The Exercise Method. I am an avid runner. The most enjoyable way for me to see a new city for the first time is to go for a run around it. If I notice somebody is wearing running shoes, or they give off that athlete vibe, I will approach with the question, “Do you know someplace nearby where I can go for a run in the morning?” The best, however, is when this blows up in my face and the person I thought might be a runner replies with: “Ha! I only run when I’m being chased.” It’s good for a quick laugh, but consider the ice broken.
The Listening Method. This takes a little practice because you don’t want to look like you’re eavesdropping. But men traveling alone can keep their ears open for any pieces from the conversation that could tactfully be used as a way in. There have been times I have said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to overhear you, but what was that restaurant you were discussing? I’m new in town and looking for someplace to eat.” Other times, I’m quietly listening for any type of unusual accent. That is always a quick conversation starter: “Your accent is great, where are you from?”
The Bartender Method. They’re not just your therapist, they are your ticket to another world. Ask about the regulars and I’m sure one unfortunate but entertaining old man will soon get called over to make his introduction followed by the retelling of a ridiculous story. Buy him a pint and you will have a mate for the rest of the night. Also ask your bartenders about any local beers. Bartenders usually love to brag about their local beers.
The Don’t Be a Jerk Method. All men traveling alone–all people–should heed this at all times anyway, but just being a nice person while out and about anywhere is the best way I can think of to meet other kind people. People all over the world, for the most part, are much kinder than our cable news wants us to believe. Be kind first. Be gracious. Be curious. Respect their customs and traditions even though they may differ quite a bit from yours. You are their guest. You are there on purpose to be open to experiences different from what you are used to. Be funny. Be interesting. Be confident even if you don’t feel it. Keep your phone in your pocket. Smile.
At a Restaurant
This is also a little tricky because it depends a great deal on where you are seated. If you have the option, choose to sit at the bar because again, those wanting to talk will usually sit or stand at the bar and those who want to be left alone, generally speaking, sit at a table. When a waiter seats you for a party of one, you don’t always get the best options of a convenient table for meeting strangers, but there are still some methods you can try.
The Menu Method. If I’m seated near a couple who look fun and relaxed, I like to lean over and say, “Sorry for interrupting, I’m from out of town, what do you recommend here?” Most of the time the couples will suggest a dish but then quickly follow up with “Where are you from?” People always find men traveling alone interesting. Before their food arrives, I will pepper them with questions like, “What are some cool non-touristy things you can recommend?” or “I’m looking for (a place to run, to drink with locals, to hear some live music), can you recommend somewhere for me to check out?”
The Regret Method. This one is much more challenging because you are waiting until the party next to you has already started to eat their meal. First off, read the room. If the people next to you are continuing to talk and laugh, they are having a good time and are approachable. If there is silence and all you hear is silverware scraping against a plate, let’s give this one a pass. If everything appears to be congenial, after their food has arrived, I might lean over and say, “Sorry for interrupting, I was trying to decide between the steak or the pasta. I went with the pasta, but your steak looks incredible. How is it?” I’m perfectly content with my meal, but I’m looking for a way in.
The Waiter Method. This is similar to the Bartender Method, but if it’s a slow shift, I’ll ask the waiter to bring me a local dish then ask him to teach me something about it so I can impress my 12 followers online. I’ve found people are generally pretty proud of where they live and are eager to talk about their city and its food. The self-deprecating humor doesn’t hurt either.
Dealing with Language Barriers
It is an obvious but unwritten rule that men traveling alone should learn some basic words and phrases in the language of the country you are visiting. It is wrong to assume English is spoken everywhere, but it goes far with locals if you are making an effort to understand their language. I rely heavily on my translation apps when I’m in a destination where the local language is not English. If I want to talk to somebody at the bar, I will ask short questions that can lead to a “conversation” over the app. “What is something local you can recommend?” “Do they have live music here?” “Is there a place I can walk to get some food?”
If I want to chat with the bartender and he isn’t slammed by drunk people wanting more drinks, I’ll ask about the local drinks, how he likes working there, or what is his favorite drink to make. Pro tip: Make sure you order it after you ask about it.
One of my favorite travel stories involved befriending my bartender in Cartagena, Colombia, Edwin. He didn’t speak a word of English, and my Spanish only went far enough to question where the library was located. We ended up using a translation app and passed my phone back and forth between us while he worked. I was curious and asked about what life was like in his town. He was a big baseball fan and wanted to talk about the New York Yankees. We got along so well that he invited me to join him the next afternoon. We didn’t go to another bar or restaurant; we went and sat near the boteco on plastic lawn chairs beside his tiny street where tiny taxis beeped as they hurried past. We were joined by two of his friends who didn’t speak a word of English either. When we wanted another beer, one of us would turn around, walk into the shop, grab a few bottles, then dispense them between us. We sat out there for hours in the shade, people-watching, Edwin occasionally getting yelled at in Spanish by ex-girlfriends as they passed and passing my phone back and forth while we joked and laughed together. It is entirely possible to make friends when there is no language in common. Be curious. Be funny. Be a quick texter.
Final Thoughts for Men Traveling Alone
In the early stages of trying to break the ice during my solo travel experiences there were more failures than successes. I wasn’t very successful initially trying to connect with people because I never knew what to say first. Even today I know not all my methods are perfect because they depend so strongly on a lot of luck and how a stranger is feeling that particular day. When I failed, I did not let that discourage me. Sometimes I walked back to my stool and started my observations all over again. Other times I finished my beer in silence and moved on.
Men traveling alone can expect to have good moments, moments of surprise, an occasional bad day, and maybe one or two lonely moments. But when you put yourself out there and make a connection and your night ends with your belly hurting from laughter and a handshake or a hug followed by the sharing of social media handles, it’s like a tsunami of oxytocin lifting you up toward the stars. Being able to connect with people has led to so many adventures I never imagined I’d have. That is what I’ve come to realize is one of the highs of solo travel for me, walking into a pub all alone, finding a way to make a connection, and leaving with a new friend who might not always speak the same language as me.
In my normal life I am reserved. I am perfectly content sitting on my porch with my lazy dog drinking some cheap Mexican beer while watching the world go by. But when I travel solo, I get to be the me I’ve always wanted to be. That person needs to have adventures and often enough mine start with walking into a bar, pub, izakaya, or boteco alone and talking to strangers.
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Last updated: 31st July, 2025
