Also surprisingly common among long-stay expats, usually not in their first year here, but after that, arrogance/hubris seems to set in…
— Larry in Chiang Mai, reader of The Thailand Life
Larry’s words landed in my inbox just hours after I sent out a newsletter exploring the strange phenomenon of psychosis among tourists in Thailand. There is certainly some truth in his words, that some expats, especially after their first year or two, seem to undergo significant shift. The open-minded curiosity that brought them here gradually gives way to something darker: frustration, irritability, bitterness, arrogance, even contempt.
I’ve noticed it too.
You see it in the forums, at the bar, in the comments section. Foreigners who once raved about Thai culture, friendly people, and the affordable cost of living now moan about inefficiency, noise, traffic, xenophobia, double pricing, and “how things never make sense.” A sour taste starts to develop.
So what causes this change? Why do some expats seem to thrive over time, while others become bitter, cynical, and borderline hostile?
And let me be clear before I get into the details. I’m not immune to the negative feelings. Lord knows I’ve had my moments of deep frustration with the Thai experience. Like any stage of life, living here comes with highs and lows: times where I’ve questioned my decisions, felt ready to throw in the towel, or simply wanted things to work the way I was used to.
Over time, your perspective shifts. Things are, of course, not as they once seemed. The grass, perhaps, wasn’t as green on the other side as you thought it might be.
This is not the case for everyone, of course. Many long-stayers remain grateful, open-minded, and respectful, and many immerse deeper into Thai culture as they age – distancing themselves further from their expat countrymen. But a significant minority fall into a state of hubris and bitterness that’s hard to ignore. And for many more of us, once the curtain has been pulled back, we become somewhat disappointed with the reality of certain aspects of life here.
Why does this happen? What changes after that first year or two?
Let’s explore.
1. The Disillusionment Phase: When the Holiday Ends
Most people arrive in Thailand wide-eyed and wonder-filled. Everything is new, exciting, and cheap. Smiles come easy, the food is incredible, and the pace of life is refreshingly laid-back.
But reality creeps in. After the honeymoon fades, the deeper layers of Thai culture, bureaucracy, and social dynamics begin to reveal themselves. What once felt like charming chaos can start to feel like inefficiency. What was once endearing now seems frustrating.
The same temples, beaches, bars, and mango sticky rice no longer thrill. You start to see the cracks. You see beyond the tourist lens and realise that Thailand isn’t just a simple, “laid-back country where everyone is happy and content with very little” (a typical backpacker view). You see that, like every other country, Thailand has its share of problems, and most of those smiley people you pass each day have problems too. They just wear it well.
2. Frustration with the Thai Way
Let’s be honest: Thailand can be maddening. Visa rules are confusing and ever-changing. Immigration offices can be inconsistent. Logic doesn’t always apply, and time seems to move differently. Getting a straightforward answer often requires a maze of workarounds or connections. Hell, I struggle to get the correct story out of my own adopted Thai family at times!
For some expats, this breeds a deep, simmering frustration, especially for those used to efficiency, structure, and control. Instead of adapting or letting go, they dig in and start to feel superior.
But here’s what many outsiders miss: Thais themselves often want change, too. There are countless Thais pushing for social, political, and institutional reform — from visa and education systems to freedom of speech. Many have tried, protested, campaigned, spoken out.
But progress here tends to be slow. Why? Because of deeply embedded hierarchies, a culture that prizes harmony over confrontation, and a political landscape that has historically punished dissent. Change is possible, but it moves in inches, not leaps. And if locals — with their lived experience, language fluency, and cultural context — struggle to shift the system, what chance does a frustrated foreigner have?
The truth is, if you’re waiting for Thailand to become more like where you came from, you’re likely to end up bitter and disappointed.
You either adapt, or you stew. And those who stew often slide into entitlement and resentment.
3. Social Alienation and Lack of Acceptance
Despite the smiles and surface hospitality, most expats will never be fully accepted into Thai society. Language barriers persist, your skin color doesn’t change, and cultural norms are hard to truly crack. No matter how well you speak Thai or how long you stay, you’re almost always seen and treated as other. A welcome guest, perhaps. But still a guest.
Over time, this can wear on people. That subtle but persistent sense of being on the outside looking in, never quite belonging, begins to sting. It’s not hostility, but it’s not inclusion either.
For some, this quiet alienation builds into a kind of invisible weight. A gnawing feeling of being tolerated rather than embraced. That can create a slow-burning resentment, especially for those who came seeking connection, reinvention, or even escape.
But here’s the thing: acceptance doesn’t have to mean assimilation.
Many expats find peace the moment they stop striving to be seen as Thai, and instead, focus on being a respectful, engaged outsider. You don’t need full cultural integration to build a meaningful life here. What you need is humility, curiosity, and a willingness to let go of the need to “belong” in the way you might back home.
Some can accept that, and others can’t.
4. The Wrong Relationship at the Wrong Time
A sadly common story: foreign man meets Thai woman too quickly. Moves in. Gets involved with the extended family. Starts paying for everything. Financial pressure builds. Tensions rise. Sometimes the relationship fails. Sometimes it drags on in quiet misery.
Whether it’s love, lust, loneliness, or a saviour complex, many expats bite off more than they can chew early on and spend the rest of their time here dealing with the consequences of sick buffaloes, family “loans,” village gossip, and the expectation that “the farang will pay for it.”
There’s an age-old lesson here: only fools rush in!
5. Missing “Home” While Refusing to Return
Many long-stay expats live in a psychological limbo. They’ve chosen to leave their home country, often for good reason (cost of living, political frustration, burnout, divorce, etc.), but they haven’t fully embraced their new one. Deep down, they miss aspects of home: the order, the systems, the shared cultural understanding.
But going back feels like failure. Or worse, it just isn’t viable due to financial reasons or burned bridges. So they stay, caught in a kind of existential cul-de-sac; resenting the imperfections of Thailand while also rejecting the idea of returning home.
You can’t have your cake and eat it. And yet many try.
6. Climate, Health, and Emotional Drift
Thailand’s climate can wear you down. The relentless heat. The humidity. The rainy season, which is still too darn hot! If you’re not thriving physically or mentally, the heat amplifies the discomfort.
It forces you indoors more than you’d like, often into sealed rooms with constant air conditioning — which, if you’re like me, can/t be tolerated for long periods.
The sun that once felt like a warm embrace starts to feel oppressive. It’s fine on a two-week beach holiday, where you can dip in the sea and retreat to a shady bar. But living in it, day in and day out, is a different story. Even a leisurely evening walk — long after the sun has gone down — becomes a sweat-drenched ordeal. There’s rarely any real relief
Then there’s health: diets change, exercise routines vanish, drinking increases. Some fall into isolation. Others into addiction. Apathy sets in. And with it, bitterness.
7. The Slow Creep of Entitlement
Over time, some expats begin to act as if Thailand owes them something, as if their mere presence, or the money they inject into the local economy grants them special status.
You start to see it in subtle ways: the impatience at a restaurant, the scoffing at local customs, the sarcastic remarks about “Thai time” (ha, that’s me!).
Eventually, it hardens into something uglier – a demand for “farang treatment,” a belief that things should bend to their will, and frustration when they don’t.
Where does this come from?
Often, it’s not just arrogance, it’s unmet expectations. The dream didn’t pan out quite like they hoped. The fantasy of endless beaches, cheap living, and adoration gives way to a more complex reality: language barriers, bureaucracy, loneliness, the heat, the grind of everyday life in a place that isn’t truly theirs.
That disillusionment festers. And instead of adapting, some project it outward. Entitlement becomes a mask for internal frustration; a kind of hubris born from disappointment.
To be fair, this isn’t the norm. Most expats remain humble and respectful. But I’ve seen a few fall into this trap. And once it takes hold, it’s hard to reverse.
Final Thoughts: Self-Awareness Is the Cure
Not every long-term expat falls into this trap. Many build fulfilling lives, give back to their communities, and maintain respect for the culture. The difference often comes down to self-awareness. Those who recognise their own expectations, adapt with humility, and remain curious tend to thrive.
Those who don’t… well, they tend to remain in a state of discontent, often bickering with their significant other on a daily basis.
So if you’re in your second or third year, take a step back. Check in with yourself. Are you still grateful to be here? Or are you slipping into cynicism?
And if you’re feeling disconnected or frustrated — like you don’t quite fit anymore — that’s okay. Maybe it’s just a phase that will pass, or maybe Thailand isn’t for you.
Remember, going home isn’t failure. It’s an honest, self-respecting decision. Why force it, just because others seem to be living the “Thai dream”?
You had a good run. Maybe things changed, or maybe you changed. That’s life. We evolve, and sometimes we outgrow the environments that once nourished us.
Plenty of people spend 5, 10, even 20+ years here before deciding to move on. That doesn’t diminish the experience — it simply marks a new chapter.
The good news is that, if you do want to stay and be happy, the spiral into discontentment isn’t inevitable. But the journey does require some work, specifically a willingness to let go of the idea that Thailand should change for you.
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What did I miss? Let me know in the comments section below.
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